


Tragedy Tomorrow, Comedy Tonight

by HorizonTheTransient



Category: Parahumans Series - Wildbow
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-01
Updated: 2020-05-01
Packaged: 2021-03-01 21:40:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,858
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23944078
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HorizonTheTransient/pseuds/HorizonTheTransient
Summary: Sundancer accidentally sparks a community theater production of A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To The Forum, and in the process, romance blooms.Written for the Cauldron Discord Server's April Give-A-Fic-A-Thon, specifically for Cauldron member Colossal Mistake.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 23





	Tragedy Tomorrow, Comedy Tonight

**Author's Note:**

> I was given the following prompts by Colossal Mistake:
> 
> 1 :: Tattletale discovers a terrible secret.  
> 2 :: Uber and Leet hate video games. They have an entirely different theme instead.  
> 3 :: Sundancer.  
> 4 :: Punchbuggy.  
> 5 :: Worm: The Musical.
> 
> See if you can guess which one I ended up running with!

"You cannot stop the oncoming storm!" Sundancer roared as she and Uber hammered at their controllers. "So many lines! It's like San Diego Comic Con, there's so many lines!"

It was simple- using a Super Nintendo cartridge of "Tetris & Dr. Mario," the two of them were playing a match of competitive Tetris- best three out of five rounds. The stakes were ten thousand dollars, paid by the loser to the winner's choice of charity.

And so far, Sundancer, a former eSports player, was kicking Uber's ass.

"It's like a pad of grid paper, there's so many lines!" Genesis crowed.

"You see that? Bam! Right there! Pieces locked in perfect order!" Sundancer taunted. "I am perfect and flawless! Look at this! Logically placed! You think you're building for the future, you're building nothing but  _ tears! _ "

"More lines than a Kevin Smith movie!"

"I'm talking shit with Tetris! _ I will play this in the park and I will take your money! _ Look at me, makin' lines, like I make  _ babies _ with your  _ mom! _ You gonna let me talk to you like that, hell  _ yeah _ you are, cause you're my  _ bitch _ , my  _ Tetris _ bitch!"

Uber squawked angrily as he placed his final block, losing the third round, and with it the whole game, 0-3.

"I hate you," Leet said. "If you ever have a kid, I'm going to have one too, just so my kid can beat up your kid."

"Yeah, I don't think either of us has to worry about that," Uber said flatly.

* * *

"Hey, Tim?" Uber asked quietly.

"Yeah, Jamie?" Leet replied, back at their apartment.

"Do you even like video games anymore?" Jamie asked. "I feel like we've kinda run this theme into the ground."

"...I don't even play games for fun anymore, it's just a job to me now," Tim admitted. "But... what are we going to do instead?"

Jamie wordlessly produced from behind his back a copy of the script to A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To The Forum.

"...Jamie, I think I'm in love."

"Save it for the curtain call."

* * *

"So, how'd the auditions go?" Dean asked as his friend sat down at the lunch table.

"I didn't get the part," Dennis muttered.

"Oh no," Dean said quietly. "But... You were the best Mercutio ever, last year!"

"Yeah, well, tell that to Uber and Leet- sorry, to  _ Method _ and  _ Makeup _ ," Dennis said. "God, it's just..." He sighed, looking down at his feet. "I mean, okay, I'm probably making a mountain out of a molehill, here, but it just  _ feels bad _ , and I can't get it to stop. That somehow, I wasn't up to  _ those idiots' _ standards."

"Do you think a song and dance sequence would lift your spirits?" Dean asked, standing up.

"That would be the nicest, most thoughtful thing anyone's done for my theater kid ass," Dennis said, whipping his head up to lock eyes with Dean.

"Alright, hang on-" Dean turned and called out to another table. "Hey Chris, Carlos, we're doing it now! C'mon!" Dean turned to face Dennis again. "We couldn't find a fourth to make it a proper a capella quartet, but I think it still works regardless."

"I am  _ already _ loving this, so don't worry about it," Dennis said, as Chris and Carlos took up positions besides Dean. Dean silently counted down from three on his fingers, and then...

" [_Wheeeneeeeveeeeeer..._ _life gets you down, keeps you wearing a frown, and the gravy train has left you behiiiiiiind_](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EWMPVn1kgIQ) _ , _ " the boys began in harmony.

Dennis picked up a tub of popcorn that Dean had thoughtfully prepared ahead of time. He already had some critiques to offer of Dean's singing voice and his ability to harmonize, but those could wait for later.

" _ And when you're all out of hope, down at the end of your rope, and nobody's there to throw you a liiiiiiine... _

" _ If you ever get so low that you don't know which way to go- _ " Dean slid behind Dennis, planting a firm hand on his shoulder. " _ Come on and take a walk in my shoes. Never worry bout a thing, got the woooooorld on a string, cause I've got the cure for all of my blues- _ "

" _ All of his bluuuuuues, _ " Chris and Carlos added.

There was a pause of anticipation, and Dennis felt every moment of it.

" _ I take a look at my enormous penis, _ " the boys sang in unison, Chris and Carlos snapping rhythmically. " _ And my troubles start a-melting away. _ "

"I changed my mind, fuck you," Dennis said, setting his popcorn down and getting up to leave.

" _ I take a look at my enormous penis, _ " the boys continued, following after him. " _ And the happy times are comin' to stay. _ "

"Fuck off."

" _ I gotta sing and a-dance when I glance in my pants, _ " Dean sang proudly as he followed Dennis out of the cafeteria and into the halls. " _ And the feelin's like a sunshiney daaaaaay. I take a look at my enormous peeeeenis and everything is goin' my wa- _ "

Dean had followed Dennis around a corner with no witnesses, and then been promptly frozen in place. When he came to, his first order of business was a trip to the restroom, so he could check in the mirror.

Dennis had, while he was frozen, written PENIS in all capital letters on his forehead with a permanent marker.

He sighed dejectedly. He'd thought Dennis would find this funny, but... well, live and learn, he supposed. Still, this was going to put him in a foul mood all day.

Dean reached down for the waistband of his pants, pulling the front out a little, and looked down. A grin spread across his face, which stayed even when he looked away and returned his pants to normal.

" _ Yeah I got great big amounts in the place where it counts, and the feelin's like a sunshiney daaaaaay, _ " he sang gently to himself as he left the restroom, receiving an odd look from some miscellaneous extra as he did so. Dean didn't know what he was looking at- dude lived in Brockton Bay, no chance in hell a seventeen year old talking about his dick was the weirdest thing he'd seen all day. " _ I take a look at my enormous peeeeenis and everything is goin' my way. _ "

* * *

"Community theater?" Taylor asked.

"C'mon, it'll be great," Lisa said, leading Taylor into the building by the hand. "Besides, you need to get out more. And hey, maybe we'll make some new friends. Such as... ah, see the blonde girl in line at the concessions stand? She's in the mood to make friends. Go chat her up, and also get me a box of Rasinets."

"Lisa, wh-"

Lisa forced a ten-dollar bill into Taylor's hand and then forced Taylor into the concessions line... where she bumped into the blonde in question.

Vicky turned around, and spotted the shy, sheepish-looking nerd who'd just bumped into her, and then the nerd's friend who was winking and flashing both a grin and a thumbs-up at... either Vicky herself or the nerd, she couldn't tell which.

"...Hi," Taylor said.

"Hey," Vicky said back.

"...I like your outfit."

"Thanks, I stole it from the album cover of Crypt of the Necrodancer," Vicky said. "What's your name?"

"Taylor. You?"

Vicky was mildly taken aback- did this girl  _ really _ not know who she was? And then she felt ridiculous for having such a thought. "Vicky. Nice to meet you, Taylor. So, are you particularly into theater?"

"Well, my mom's an English professor..."

* * *

"I can't believe Dean broke up with you for talking to another  _ girl _ ," Amy said, standing outside Vicky's room. "He can't even be stupidly jealous and possessive right."

"Look, I may have said and done a few things with Taylor that could've been taken the wrong way," Vicky said. Left unsaid was  _ what _ , exactly, she'd done with Taylor, which included no fewer than three kisses. Which was totally normal between girls, just gals being pals, but apparently Dean didn't see it that way.

"Are you  _ seriously _ going to stand outside his window with a boombox?" Amy asked as Vicky stepped out of her room.

"Don't be ridiculous, Ames," Vicky said. "I'm going to  _ float _ outside his window with a boombox."

"You watch too many romcoms."

"Well excuse me for having  _ taste _ ."

* * *

Locating Dean's window was easy enough, and with her flight being silent, she had plenty of time to psych herself up before hitting the play button, and starting to sing along.

" _ If you said goodbye to me tonight, _ " she sang, in a low alto. " _ There would still be music left to write. What else can I do? I'm so inspired by you- that hasn't happened for the looooongest time." _

There was no visible reaction from inside the darkened window, but she kept going.

" _ Once I thought my innocence was gone. Now I know that happiness goes on. That's where you found me, when you put your arms around me. I haven't been there for the loooongest time. _ "

Come  _ on _ , Dean, open the window and accept the apology already!

" _ I'm that voice you're hearing in the hall, and the greatest miracle of all, is how I need you, and how you needed me too. That hasn't happened in the looooongest time. _

" _ Maybe this won't last very long, but you feel so right, and I could be wrong. Maybe I've been hoping too hard, but I've gone this far, and it's more than I hoped for. _

" _ Who knows how much further we'll go on. Maybe I'll be sorry when you're gone. I'll take my chances, I forgot how nice romance is. I haven't been there for the longest time." _

Finally the window opened, and out leaned...

...Rory Christner.

"Victoria, I understand you're upset, but if you keep getting the wrong house, I  _ will _ call the police," Rory threatened. "Dean's across the street."

"The address numbers are hard to read in the dark!" Vicky protested. "It's not  _ my _ fault your houses are identical!"

"That's your problem. Go away." He closed the window, and Vicky grumbled as she turned off the boombox. She considered flying across the street, but, robbed of her momentum, she reconsidered, and decided against it.

She was sad to lose her boyfriend like this, but maybe hanging out with Taylor would help cheer her up.

* * *

"Hey Lise."

"Hey Mars."

"What's up?"

Lisa sat down on the couch forcefully, and let out a long, melodramatic groan.

"That bad, huh?" Mars asked.

"Remember Taylor?" Lisa asked.

"The cute tall girl with the black hair and the glasses?" Mars said. "Yeah, I remember your girlfriend. What about her?"

"Glory Girl  _ stole  _ my girlfriend," Lisa said. "Apparently Taylor just has a thing for blondes..."

"Does that mean I had a chance with her?" Mars asked.

"...oh god, Taylor's a  _ harem protagonist _ ," Lisa whispered, eyes going wide.

"So you're saying I  _ still _ have a chance with her."

"I. Yeah, probably. Sorry, I just. This is a lot to process."

"Cool, you do that, I'm gonna go kiss a cute nerd." Mars got up and left, and Lisa grabbed the remote, turning on the TV.

"...Why the hell is there a Pay-Per-View recording of  _ Tetris? _ "

**Author's Note:**

> SURPRISE I WENT WITH ALL FIVE!


End file.
